Soul Crush

Soul Crush


For a few weeks now my spiritual connection seems to have been slowly eroding. The material world just sucked me in. I couldn’t find my source.

Between my annual review at work measuring my worth, my bank account dropping after cutting back hours, trying my hand at online dating, all the tangibles in my life kept leading me to a huge pile of inadequacy. I was losing, failing and I lost sight of who I was. Despite John Melloncamp’s lyrics; it did not hurt so good.

I drifted between feelings of felt despair, and anger. I was left with a complete lack of motivation or inspiration to make any change. I couldn’t see any meaning or purpose in the struggle. I wanted to completely disengage and check out from the situations in my life.

In the past, I would blame myself and feel guilty for that desire, but perhaps that is exactly what being uninspired/unmotivated is calling us to do? To complete disengage, to check out of this illusion of our worth coming from material attainments, tangible progress, measurable results. Maybe we are being called to reconnect with who we really are.

I can’t help but connect the fact the sun didn’t appear to come out for many days in a row. Nature does have a way of putting perspective on this “me” idea we get caught in. The moment I stepped outside and looked at the sky and the vast blue sky, I wondered how much my annual raise or lack there of matters in the big picture.

My coworker and I were commiserating at work and I shared I literally felt like we were floating heads walking around the office, vacant of hearts and souls. She felt it too. She inquired, “why is that?”

While I can’t be sure of the answer, what seemed evident was that we are all so busy driving for results (with that being defined by completing more tasks in less time) that we have forgotten to drive for  results in the way of quality relationships and compassion.

And right there explains our complete lack of inspiration and why we are all floating heads. Numbers don’t inspire human beings. Acts of love and compassion inspire people. The uncontrollable urge to cry when you see someone struggle, smile when you feel joy, stand up when you see injustice, isn’t this what inspires us and makes us feel alive?

We certainly don’t get paid for compassion and you can’t measure in on our annual reviews and progress reports.  So truth is, we forget about it. Are we so blinded by the energy of money that we have completely forgotten about the energy of love and compassion?  Imagine a world where our drive for results was based on showing kindness towards others, where compassion was measured on our annual reviews and we got paid for it. What would that world look like?

I’m not sure what that world looks like, but I’m curious. And maybe being curious is enough to open new possibilities and creating a new world where we drive for results in the way of love and compassion. After all as Christopher Moore says, “Children see magic because they look for it.”  Let’s start making the magic happen.